We all have different style of talking, laughing, smiling, responding and communicating. Some of us are a comfort for others. We enjoy being with some people and we don’t enjoy some people. What is the difference between these persons? Why one persons presence enlivens the gathering an other person dulls it? What are the qualities needed to make one self socially popular?

 

Smile -The very first quality is smile. When we see some body smiling, we feel pleased. And if the smile is without any malice it is more enchanting. Keep smiling. Keep your problems with yourself and keep your face smiling.

 

Listening - when we don’t speak but only listen, people love us. All of us have our own problems and need somebody to listen to us.

 

Lisa used to be an <a href=http://www.elitecourtesans.co.uk>Escort in Birmingham</a> and reckons that her experience as an <a href=http://www.escortplace.co.uk>independent escorts</a> has definately helped her to improve her listening skills.

 

Become a good listener. Ask open ended question such as - and after that? Why? And so on. That will encourage the speaker to pour out all to you.

 

Have something funny to say - There is enough pain in the world. Bring in some laughter. Have a collection of jokes and make your friends laugh. The more they laugh, the more they will enjoy your company.

 

Appreciate - have a word of appreciation for everyone. You can appreciate some body clothes, or shoes or what ever. Appreciate. Make friends feel good.

 

To be friendly and to be charming is not an art. It can be easily developed by all of us. The only need is to pay less attention to our self and more to others. Make friends happy and they will love your presence. Make your presence the life of any gathering. Success is yours.

Human beings are social beings and we are interacting with people every day of our life.  Often, our happiness depends a great deal on how the interactions with each person turn out.  This is especially true of those whom we care about e.g. in close friendships as well as in marriage.  However, because each personality we deal with is unique and presents its own challenges, managing the myriad of relationships requires us to consciously observe the process and impact of our interactions so that we continue to gain knowledge, understanding and experience in developing relationships in a positive way.

 I have realized that to have good management of relationships, we need to be assertive and honest in sharing our thoughts, feelings and concerns.  However, this needs to be done in a way that does not provoke the other party, but is instead respectful and encourages both parties to listen to each other.  A good way to do this is through the communication technique of "I" Messages. 

In "I" messages, statements are made about ourselves, how we feel and our concerns, and what actions of the other party has led to the concerns.  "You" messages focus on the other person and would usually lead the other party to become defensive unless the "You" message is a positive statement of the other person.  For example, a husband or wife is waiting for the return of the spouse and when the spouse returns, he or she might be greeted by this: "You are always coming home late!  Why can't you come back earlier?"  This "You" message leads to the spouse feeling blamed and attacked and the ensuing communication would likely not be an amiable one.  In a conflicting situation, "You" message focuses on attacking the other person.  As a result, the primary issues are pushed aside.  In contrast, in this same scenario, an "I" message would look like this: "I feel rather lonely while waiting for you to come home.  I'm concerned that you are often home late and I get rather frustrated wondering when you're going to be home."  In this statement therefore, the speaker shares his or her feelings and concerns.  The clear communication of the concern is a good starting point for both parties to work out what can be done about it.

"I" messages are effective because the focus is on the issue or concern and not on the other person.  The sharing of the speaker's feelings can also lead to more trust in the relationship as it shows the speaker is willing to look within himself or herself and take responsibility for his or her feelings.

In fact, generally in most interactions, my opinion is that the use of "I" messages is always superior to "You" messages and is a more respectful way of communicating.  So, even when expressing positive feelings, a "You" message: "You look good in this dress", could be enhanced by "I" messages: "I'm so happy to see you.  I remember all the fun we used to have.  You look good." 

Generally, there are three parts to an "I" message:

I feel _________________ (express your feeling)
when you _____________ (describe the action that affects you or relates to the feeling)
because _______________ (explain how the action affects you or relates to the feeling)

The order in which the 3 parts are expressed is usually not important. 
Sometimes a fourth part might be added.  This states our preference for what we would like to take place instead.

Lisa at Elite Courtesans is a expert in communication skills. She helps Birmingham escorts to improve their communication skills which is crucial for their survival in a competitive industry. Below she provides a few tips on how to improve on the usage of this tem.

"I get very anxious when you raise your voice at me because it makes me feel like I've done something very wrong.  Could you please not raise your voice when we talk?"

"I'm so happy you're learning to cook because then I'll know you can prepare your own meal when I'm unable to be home in time to cook."

"When you take so long talking to your friend on the phone, I'm concerned that there might be urgent calls that cannot come through.  Also, I feel frustrated as I would like to spend more time with you.  How about asking your friend to call at another time, when I am not around."

Use of "I" messages might not come naturally to most people initially.  However, with practice, you will be surprised at how you will begin to like this communication approach, especially when you begin to experience the good result of better quality interactions and more harmonious relationships.

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